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Where can I meet someone?

hellomskari

If I could meet someone, then I'd be happy.

If I met someone "normal," I could have a great relationship.

But where can I go to meet someone?


These are all things that single people frequently say to me. And here's where most people are mistaken. They seem to think there is a magic place where their ideal partner is just waiting for them to walk in the door. The truth is that this is fantasy. Thoughts like these are counterproductive. Doing busy things is not the same as expressing romantic energy. You must be ready to meet someone out in the world.


Being ready to meet someone is more than what you wear. Ready means emotionally, skillfully, and somewhat fashionably equipped to find romance. Acting in a way that gets results requires refocusing your mindset.


Being ready to meet someone has a couple of parts.


Emotionally willing to encounter strangers with no known outcome.

  • You must be confident enough to talk to strangers with positive energy.

  • You must be able to take the rejection that comes with it.

Interpersonal tools must be sharp and clean.

  • You must be knowledgeable in reading other people's cues and body language. Are they asking you to come closer or saying it's time to move away?

  • Are you properly asking for more time with someone or frightening them away? Asking for time with someone you met moments earlier is a soft skill that takes some finesse.

  • Ladies, I know it's not the Victorian era, but do not chase a guy. Know when to lean in and when to lean back.

  • Gentlemen, you get more kudos respecting intimacy than initiating it too soon. Don't chase sex.

Being somewhat fashionable is essential.

  • Fashionably, it is in the eye of the beholder. Call it shallow, but everyone is interested in your image when dating. Whether you look put together or dumpy and disheveled, you decide how to represent yourself.

  • Immaculate hygiene and clothes that fit (not too big or too small) are non-negotiable.

Your mindset must be easy to meet and selective about who to keep in your life. A dating mindset is flexible but firm in convictions.
  • People are fascinating. It's fun to meet people. Even weirdos make a good story to tell your friends later.

  • You must be playful. You must flirt with confidence and dignity.

  • Not everyone is for you. You are looking for "the one". Be able to reject someone kindly and be rejected without being angry or devastated.

  • Love can be a surprise. You may not know who you are compatible with until you are a mile or two down the road.

  • Let the romance unfold, and don't rush it. You are not wasting your time. Don't get love-bombed or breadcrumbed. Get to know someone or move on.

  • Chemistry and compatibility are two different things. Some love is "Sparked" by chemistry and maintained by compatibility. Alternatively, "found love" unveils compatibility over time, and then a spark of chemistry happens. Be open to both ways. (Too often, people believe they need the spark first or dismiss the potential romance.)


I know you are still asking, but where do I go to meet someone? I agree—if you are interested in finding love, you must get out and meet people. They aren't going to drop from the sky and, "Bam!" There is the love of your life standing in your living room.


Indeed, there are thousands of people out there for you to meet. So, where do you meet someone? The answer is straightforward. Contemporary society provides a pipeline for meeting single people.

There are three ways to meet someone.

  1. Using a blend of online dating sites.

    You will likely have a date within a couple of weeks. Online dating is our modern-day matchmaker. You can meet someone outside of your social network here.

  2. Socializing with friends, coworkers, and acquaintances is a proven way to meet someone.

    Roughly 40% of committed relationships stem from community circles. The big question is whether your circle is enough or holding you back. You can continually expand your circle, although it may take some time. However, this remains the most fruitful way to meet someone in the wild.

  3. Outreach activities can be done alone or with a wingman.

    These include taking a class, volunteering, or joining a group or club. We include public establishments, churches, and schools here. Festivals and community events are also outreach events. Doing things you enjoy means you are more likely to meet someone with whom you automatically have a commonality and something to discuss.


Combining all three pipelines is ideal if you are trying to meet someone. Yet, any one of these pipelines can work on its own. It's slower but possible. I tell my clients they need to be out socializing at least three times a week, and at least one of those days needs to be a weekend. Again, the world is full of single people, and the possibilities are endless if you are genuinely open to them.


Do you feel like you have tried everything and are still not dating? I suspect that you have some blocks that you need to clear. Contact friends or a love coach to help you find your blind spots. In the interim, please stop saying there are no good people to date; your brain thinks you are telling it the truth. So, flip your mindset, broaden your circle, and flirt like you are having fun.

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