Do you have CBS?

“Comma But Syndrome” is something I deal with in my practice because we all do it.

I made it up. It’s not a real psychological diagnosis. It’s grammatical. Yet, it’s so revealing, I finally gave it a name so we can talk about it clearly. And yes, I absolutely catch myself doing it too. Just ask me why I rarely make videos and I will “comma- but” you. I am sure of it.

Here’s how “comma-but” works.

Someone says something true, accurate and accountable about their own life. Then comes the comma for the pause, so they can think about it. And then the “but” so they can say what they’re going to do anyway.

1. “I know I’m dating someone who isn’t my forever person. It’s likely that they will be hurt when it ends, but I like them enough for now. They give me attention that I crave. And the sex is worth it for the moment.”

2. “I know I need to tell my spouse how unhappy I am, but it will create a giant conflict I don’t have the capacity to deal with right now.”

   
   

The words before the comma show awareness of the truth. It embodies integrity. The exit ramp is everything after the but. So I ask: Do we truly need that exit?  Does it allow for your growth? Will it improve your happiness in the end?

Nope, “comma-but” is not the big drama of betrayal or an issue to make a stand on. This is a simple slippage of the relationship over time. This is absolutely a pause or a delay of action. While there may be some logic behind our rationality, it keeps a deep connection opportunity at bay. If you are building self-confidence and faith in yourself, you are being intentional, and I encourage skipping as many “comma-buts” as possible.

In other words, “Comma But Syndrome” lets say a truth without acting on it.

The actions we avoid don’t disappear. They come back heavier and with more emotional debt attached. Hence, we become even more burdened as we continue to take no action or the easy route. The adversities stack up, and we feel overwhelmed.

As a coach, I sit with people who are working through their personal hell or what I frequently call the "buts." What’s interesting is that most people already know they are negotiating with themselves over these inactions. Yet, they feel stuck and need support to skip the “comma-but.”

1. “I’m dating someone who isn’t my forever person. It’s likely that they will be hurt if I keep seeing them. In the next week, I will find the right time and the best words I can to free them.”

2. “I know I need to tell my spouse how unhappy I am. It’s important that I share that my emotional abilities are limited right now.  Tonight, when I have a moment, I am going to ask if there is a good time to talk alone.”

The “comma- buts” are going to show up. They are!  It’s part of our language, and it’s part of who we are. So now that we have identified it. What is that but protecting you from feeling right now?

And here’s a coaching moment I’ll leave you with.

What are you comma-butting in your life?

If you’re tired of finishing your sentences the same way…that’s usually where your authenticity work begins. Life is better on the other side of the "but."

2026 All rights reserved. HMKCoaching.com. This article was written by a human. Your favorite AI has never loved anyone, but I have.