The Radical Power of Civility: Embracing Respect in a Chaotic World

When Did Civility Become a Dirty Word?

When did saying please, holding a boundary, or offering basic respect start to feel outdated? It seems like civility has become a relic, akin to rotary phones or Jell-O recipes.

Recently, I made a lighthearted comment online about disliking f-bombs in everyday conversation. I even joked that I give a "frowny face" when profanity is treated like punctuation. This triggered backlash from people who didn't know me at all. One person even shared an article claiming, "Smart people swear more." Unfortunately, she missed my point entirely. And to clarify, I’m certainly not a Boomer. While I can appreciate a well-placed f-bomb for humor’s sake, the reaction was intense.

Ultimately, that post was deleted due to the hateful comments it provoked. The volume and intensity of the responses defending swear words were overwhelming.

Profound Questions Arising from Disrespect

This dialogue prompted deeper questions for me:

• When did raw, unfiltered language replace gentle language?

• When did disrespect become the baseline, viewed as a strength?

• When did unsolicited nudes become a form of flirting?

• When did disagreement necessitate destruction?

  
  

This trend marks a significant shift away from civility. It reflects a rebellion—not the kind aimed at improving the world, but one that has lost its direction. We seem to no longer rebel against injustice but against self-control, introspection, and maturity. Somewhere, we started equating loudness with boldness, crudeness with coolness, and being unfiltered with being authentic.

Music as a Reflection of Cultural Values

Our love history and culture are often expressed through music. In the 1960s and 70s, artists like The Beatles sang, "All You Need Is Love," while Fleetwood Mac delivered poetic heartbreak in "Landslide." Even Prince, with all his sensuality, embraced metaphor and nuance; for instance, "Little Red Corvette" isn't merely about a car.

Fast forward to today. Songs like WAP by Cardi B and St Me Out by NLE Choppa are hypersexual, explicit, and devoid of emotional context. Love seems absent, while sex is front and center. Empowerment has veered into exhibitionism. Even breakup songs have transformed—Olivia Rodrigo's"Good 4 U"* leans more towards vengeance than grief.

The Role of Music in Society

While I’m sure parents in the 1960s worried about music's impact on society, I believe music serves as a historical marker. It reflects cultural values. Lately, self-expression appears to trump self-awareness and long-lasting connections. Such rebellion is not liberating; it’s exhausting, making our communities superficial, reactive, and less capable of loving or being loved.

Rebel Smarter: The Path to Civility

As a Love and Life Coach, witnessing the struggles people face, my advice may not be popular: Rebel smarter. Here’s how you can cultivate civility:

• Rebel against ghosting. Just stop doing it. Don’t make excuses. Stand firm in your thoughts and be gracious in your departure.

• Rebel against lazy communication. Speak concisely and make eye contact. Use language that builds connections instead of hiding behind sarcasm, emojis, or memes. Choose words that are gentle on the ear.

  
  

• Rebel against the notion that "being real" means being rude, offensive, or perpetually triggered. Not everything needs to be voiced. Not every reaction is sacred. Recognize that restraint is strength—it shows others you are safe to connect with.

  
  

• Rebel against the noise. Clearly express your intentions. Establish standards that add value to your life and enforce them with grace. Don’t apologize for being grounded.

  
  

Civility: A Sign of Strength

Civility is not weakness. Its purpose is to foster emotional control. It creates safety through knowing when to speak and when to listen, all delivered with style. Civility is not performative; it is deeply intentional. It builds trust and respect, creating an environment conducive to love.

We claim to desire love, yet we often dismiss the very behaviors that promote it. Key behaviors such as integrity, emotional regulation, and adventure are fundamental.

Stand Out by Embracing Civility

Do you want to stand out? Strive to be different from the majority. Live with unwavering integrity. Build trust in your relationships. Learn to disagree productively. Seek enjoyment in diverse ways beyond just sex.

Define your standards clearly and refuse to lower them merely to fit in. It’s not old-fashioned. It’s radical. My bold claim is that if you long for happiness and seek to love deeply, go first, be civil.

All rights reserved. HMKcoaching 2025.

All content is written by a human. AI tools are used to assist with proofreading, structure, and grammar. Your favorite AI tool has never dated or loved anyone, but I have.