"Men don't like strong, independent women." Every time I hear this as a reason a woman can't find a date, I shriek a little inside. (Okay, sometimes it's audible.) Hear me out, please. I call BS.
Don't get me wrong. I am all about empowering women. However, I don't endorse strong and independent as an excuse. I believe the statement "Men don't like strong, independent women" genuinely reduces women, the opposite of what I support. It also diminishes men.
I am a dating coach for both men and women. I have never once had a male client say, "I'm looking for a meek doormat who hangs on my every word and has no life outside of mine." In contrast, when I ask men what they are looking for, they respond with someone gracious, independent, smart/educated, able to have an in-depth conversation, kind, respectful, fun, and so on.
I can go on and on about what it means to be a feminist, to be empowered, and how to get there, but that is another article or twenty-two. Let's stay focused; I think strong, independent women (plus a few more traits) are highly desired. Focus on the "plus," a strong, independent woman, and/or plus, plus…. You fill in the blank, which equals a high value.
In my experience, strong and independent are words in this context that are simply dressing up that you are intimidating, scary, bitchy, and maybe even disrespectful. On the contrary, If you choose to be a strong, independent, and gracious woman, you will not be intimidating.
There are four things to consider if you are too strong and independent to date.
If you say, "Men don't like strong, independent women," stop saying it. Stop enabling the thought. Instead, look at how you can continue to grow. Continue to become stronger and independent and thrive in relationships with kindness, seduction, and graciousness. You can be a feminist and be feminine.
Whew! Strong women have been through some stuff. Strong words and actions have been necessary in the past. However, we can continue to improve and learn to use strong words and actions to get results without depriving the other person of dignity. Caring for another person doesn't harm them. Harm is not something that should make us proud. Yet, I hear, "I ripped him a new one," or similar phrases as if they are a defining moment of strength.
Are you truly ready for a life partner? Making the I'm strong, independent women's statements actually says, "Look at me, I don't need you." Why would a man want to be your partner? -you don't need him. Partner is a keyword here. If you want to have a partner, you need to be a partner. Marriage is a team activity. Yielding some of your independence will be necessary to make that team successful. You are not ready for a committed relationship if you cannot relinquish some of your independence. This is also true for men; they must give up some autonomy to form a team. (Note - I am absolutely not saying you need to give up all your strength and independence, but somewhere in your partnership, you will need to let go of that control for yourself only.)
There may be some men who truly are not looking for strong, independent women. More likely, some men are intimidated by your strength and independence. Those men are not for you. They are for someone else. Stop trying to make all men be attracted to you. Dating you is a custom job. You need just one person to be your partner. (Well, one person at a time- usually.) If they find you intimidating, GREAT. NEXT GUY!
So, change it if you see yourself in this strong, independent mindset but can't find a date. You are still growing. You truly are more than strong and independent. So what else are you? Bring it out. Highlight it. Let it be a defining factor for a while.
For additional advice, try the following article. The real reason you can't find a date.
HMKCoaching.com All rights reserved.
Comments