Ugly Dating definitions that make you wonder why anyone dates at all
There are countless words created only for people who are dating. And yes, dating has a unique dialogue. Some of this is helpful, as it can and will happen to you if you put yourself out there for long enough. In no way is this an endorsement of the actions behind these words. Dating can be fun, exhilarating, and brutal, so using the same language is helpful.
Here is my list of the most helpful words to know if you are new to dating. If you are not new, you already know them.
Breadcrumbing
Actions taken to string your interest along without any effort to meet or move to a meaningful relationship are leading you on or breadcrumbing. Attempts to reach out are low-effort, meaning they can occur every few days or weeks and are usually short messages. If you feel like someone is breadcrumbing, you are usually someone's second choice or a shelf guy/gal.
Cat-fishing
Presenting false information to lure someone to get them to date you. This is always a scam of some kind. Misrepresentation is most likely if you use online dating apps when altering photos and profiles, which is easy. However, this can happen when you meet someone in public (offline). For example, when you meet someone who says they won the lottery and are independently wealthy, rather than telling you they steal cars for a living. They present a manufactured and false image to date you.
Companionship
Companion and its variations are words that must be verified with the user every time because they mean something different to many people. Typically, people feel like this is what they want, especially after a difficult breakup or experiencing a loss. A companion is someone to do things with, attend events with, meet for dinner, or watch a game with. A Companion is without strings. (Rarely are there no strings in romantic relationships.)
Cookie Jarring
When someone dates many people for the sole purpose of having a backup plan, if the person they are with doesn't work out, they are working to keep people interested enough until their primary relationship works or doesn't. This action puts many people in a holding pattern. If this is the sole intent, it is misleading to others. If someone is dating to expand their social circle and is acting with integrity, this is simply dating.
Cuffing Season
I still can't believe this is a thing. It's an entire season, usually beginning in the fall, when people want to partner up during the cold, wintry months. They may enjoy your company during the winter, but this is short-term comfort in their minds. In the spring, they will likely move on.
Ethical non-monogamy or Consensual non-monogamy
People who openly and consensually have open sexual relationships with several other people. Everyone knows about the extent of the relationship and the identity of the others. Polyamory is one type of ethical non-monogamy, swingers are another. It depends on who you are, but most of the time, it doesn't work out and doesn't give you a healthy foundation for a monogamous relationship. If you are into this, rock on; if you are not, keep a wide berth. Please don't try to convert someone to your way of thinking.
Friends with Benefits (FWB)
People who care about each other and share common interests talk about their lives and have sex. Nothing more. There is likely no future relationship here.
Ghosting
After dating someone, they disappear without any discussion. They do not respond to texts or calls, and you never hear from them again. You may even have a date planned, and they do not confirm or do not show up. There is no valid reason for ghosting. It's rude and immature, yet very common. Sometimes, ghosts try to reach out randomly to see if you will still respond to them. They may communicate for a while and then disappear again, which is called a haunting.
Love bombing
Meeting someone of interest who showers you with attention and speeds up the relationship too quickly is a love bomb. It's over the top and more than someone simply putting their best foot forward. What makes love bombing ugly is that it is manipulative. All the "I love you" s are intended to get something from you. Most people feel confused and sad when a love bomb is over. Usually, a love bomb is a short-lived high, chemistry, and no compatibility situation-ship.
Netflix and Chill
If this invitation comes your way, know there is no intention of watching the Television. This is an invitation to come over and have sex.
Pen Pal
A pen pal is someone you never (or hardly ever) meet but who messages you frequently by text or on a dating app. They likely cannot date (for many reasons that are not at all about you), but the attention you give them is gratifying.
Shelf guy/gal
After meeting someone and going out for a while, it does not elevate to an actual relationship. The person you are with is interested in keeping you around but cannot elevate the relationship now. Shelving a person could also be called benching someone. You keep them on the shelf until you want to pick them back up and date them more seriously. You are unsure of this person; they could or could not work into a relationship.
Situation-ship
When you date someone and spend significant time together but don't know what you mean to each other, aren't committed, and look similar to a couple. Discussions about the future of the relationship are unspoken. The phrase "we don't need labels to define the relationship" is a theme. Additionally, you have been seeing each other, and it has been going on long enough for you to say it's complicated.
Slow Fade
When someone creates distance from another person to make an imminent breakup easier, they don't ask you out as often, message you, etc. Intentionally creating distance creates confusion in a relationship and is generally viewed negatively. It's better to break up or at least ask for space. However, a slow fade can happen naturally if you consider that life events can change a person's freedoms, but it's not always intentional.
Talking to Someone
The early stages of relationships are when you have just met someone online or in the wild and are just talking to them. So you aren't dating yet, and it's too early to know if this person will become a meaningful relationship. In reality, this could include or not include going out with them and having sex. It's a personal definition. I always ask people to clarify what they mean, which seems slightly different for different people.
I didn't know these terms when I started dating, and I wish I had a list. There are too many words for an article to list. These are the common ugly words. Please commit to yourself that you will not do these things and will not tolerate them from others. Please date responsibly.
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