Of the phrases I often hear, "something is off" is in the top ten. When the context refers to a partner whose behavior is confusing, I will likely agree that something is off.
Conventional wisdom says you have a gut instinct, which is always correct. Humans take this on as a personality trait. Their gut is always right and egocentric. However, I agree that you should pay attention to your instincts. Please don't ignore your gut feeling when it comes to your safety. But everything else your gut says just might be a lie.
The experts say that you should not fully trust your gut. Professional advice is to dig deeper because you could be the one who is off. The check-it-out advice is not to undermine your ego or intuition but rather to empower you to explore beyond initial signals. Give yourself permission, confidence, and control to navigate your relationships more effectively. Your gut may be waving the red flag, but it means it's time to grow, not freak out.
Please don't hate me; it's true. Insecurities can empower perspective. Your brain is trying to protect you. Hang with me here; your brain will lie to you. The brain sends your senses a vibe or energy that potential harm is near and is protective. This is fantastic, except that many brains are overprotective. This relationship causes anxiousness and insecurity. These insecurities stem from past personal experiences, societal pressures, or even genetics.
How did your intuition get this way?
Easy.
Most of our intuition comes from our family or origin, personal experiences, and a neurotic culture. So, for example, you have an extended relationship with someone who constantly lies to you. Some of the lies don't even need to be lies. Yet lies abound, and suddenly, you realize you are squarely in a relationship with someone you can't trust. You never know what is real or exaggerated. One day, the lie is too big, and you end the relationship.
Fast forward, and you are with someone new. You perceive your partner as honest, and it's refreshing. Until one day, something happens, and they tell you something you don't fully believe – "it seems off." Their words try to console you, but you feel something is off to your core. Projecting your past relationships onto your current relationship is common and understandable. Your gut is protecting your future from your past. You know what? Your gut will also try to protect you from someone else's past. So, is this something your true partner did, or is this your gut out there waiving the red flag unnecessarily? The answer is – you need to look deeper every time.
So often, your gut will scream, "It's a lion," and catastrophize the situation. How do we look look deeper? For your sanity, take a step back and evaluate your situation. Please don't ask the Internet for advice; they don't know you or your partner. The Internet people will likely make you less objective with their experiences. It's about your sanity. Asking the Internet world for advice is akin to googling the bump on your finger, and now you feel like you have an exotic disease or rare cancer.
Having more than a gut feeling is crucial to making a definitive decision about the health and longevity of the relationship and taking an active role in becoming more aware of your understanding of relationship dynamics.
Your intuition could be precisely accurate.
There may be something you were unaware of that is misleading your intuition. In other words, you can be correct that something is off, but it's not what you think it is.
It could be your insecurities creating your gut feeling. Your brain is in overdrive, protecting you from what you fear.
Intuition is the ability to understand something immediately without needing conscious reasoning. Correct at the surface level, intuition can tell that something is off, but you genuinely don't know what is off-tune. You must check it out.
Before proceeding, let's emphasize that if you feel unsafe, you must find a safe place and assess the situation. If your instincts consistently warn you that someone is dangerous, even without proof, this individual is not right for you. It's time to move on.
When your intuition nags at you, the resolution only comes from the source. So, posting "if the situation is off" on most social media platforms is not an actual solution. It is confirmation bias. We know they will say to listen to your gut every time.
An actual solution involves:
Observing behavior.
Identifying what makes it feel uncomfortable.
Ask your partner to help you understand.
Asking for a change.
I hope these are not your exact words, but the message here is ideal.
"Something is off with us. You've been coming home late from work, and that's not normal. I feel like we are growing apart. What's happening that you are staying away from home longer and longer? Can you help me understand what is happening? (listen) Are you willing to find a way to change this?"
A yes or no answer to the Are you willing question will give you a path directly from the source of the problem. (not social media) Once you have the "are you willing" conversation, you can stop catastrophizing and start growing. You can address your intuition in relationships, and with that, you can feel more hopeful about their future. You got this!
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Original content with minimal percentage matching academic materials.
Kaefer, M., Kalfa, N., Herbst, K. W., Harper, L., Beckers, G. M. A., Ba li, D., & Fossum, M. (2020). How to more effectively determine what is true: The limits of intuition. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpurol.2020.05.004
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