Should I Stay or Walk Away? How to Know When to Move On in the First 6 Months—Before You Overinvest

Let's give you a quick start. So you meet someone, and they are engaging, cute, and charismatic. You feel happy. You feel sexy. More alive than ever. You see some yellow flags, but it’s nothing big, and so you continue on. You're still having a great time, but at least one of those yellow flags has become a screaming red flag. And you start asking yourself, "Is this healthy? Should I stay or go?"

This is a question that people often ask me. The deeper and more complex a relationship becomes, the more difficult it is to work through to an answer. For now, let’s focus on those who are dating within the first six months of meeting. For those people, my perpetual advice is to avoid overinvesting in an immature relationship. It’s a time-value-of-dating philosophy.

Understanding the Nature of Dating

Dating is not a contract—it’s a conversation. It’s not about making it work no matter what; it’s about watching what works and what doesn’t. You are not stuck. You are studying yourself, the other person, and the space between you. This isn’t marriage. There are no vows. No mortgage. No toddlers are asleep in the next room. This is about discernment, not devotion.

So, when do you move on, and when do you hang in a little longer?

You Move On When:

It isn’t safe—physically or emotionally.

This should be a hard stop. Have zero hesitation about walking away! If someone is aggressive, manipulative, shaming, or controlling, get out. No closure needed. Your safety is the full sentence. You don’t need one more conversation, one more second guess. You need an exit.

Your boundaries are ignored or undermined.

Let’s say you express a boundary, like waiting on sex, and they keep pushing, whining, sulking, or bargaining. Both men and women experience pressure for sex. That’s disrespect. While this example is about sex, it could be any boundary. If your “no” has to be continually repeated, it’s time to go.

Your core values don’t align.

I had a client say, “I don’t want to date someone fancy.” That’s not superficial. It’s self-awareness to know yourself well enough to know who works with you. Style, lifestyle, pace, and purpose all matter. If your visions for life, family, faith, or finances don’t align, don’t try to make them fit. You’re not building IKEA furniture here. Misalignment is not a project.

They say the right things but live the wrong way.

Words can be smooth, and promises are still cheap. If they say they want a serious relationship but don’t communicate consistently, or they say they want to be exclusive but have dating apps on their phone, you don’t need to decode that. Pay attention to what they do, not what they insist they meant to do. Behavior is a language, and these actions are sending you a loud message.

You're the only one leaning in.

Effort should be mutual. If you're always the one initiating, forgiving, adjusting, and chasing, you're doing the heavy lifting and will continue to do so forever. Setting the stage for a partnership means you are both creating movement and growth. Call it done if someone isn’t reciprocating the effort.

A note: if you are at six months and you are not more excited than you were in month three, reconsider this relationship. If you feel that you don't want to invest more in the relationship at six months, it's time to part ways. (I know it won't be easy.)

You Might Stay When:

It’s safe—and they’re showing effort.

Not every beginning is smooth. Most hearts are slightly tarnished, but they can shine in time. So, if your person is trying by showing up honestly and humbly, staying is possible. Potential alone isn’t enough, but progress is. Maybe she’s always been married to her job, but now she’s making time. Perhaps he had a player reputation, but now he’s deleting the apps, calling you first, and showing consistency. That’s not a guarantee, but it’s a movement. And movement matters. We always seek individuals with the potential to grow and become more. This effort and the resulting change in behavior demonstrate growth.

You feel like yourself around them.

Dating someone should feel like a weight off your shoulders as time goes on. If you find yourself less performative, more grounded, and more you in their presence, that’s something to notice. A connection that brings peace rather than anxiety is worth exploring. This is the butterflies' question: is it excitement or anxiety you are feeling?

There’s curiosity and communication.

They don’t need to be perfect at relationships. They need to want to get better at it. Are they asking questions? (Are you more curious?) Owning missteps? (Are you?) Growing? Trying to understand you instead of just impressing you? That’s green-flag behavior.

The relationship is moving forward, not stuck in circles.

If you see small shifts in emotional availability, consistency, or self-awareness, that’s worth tracking. It needs to be visible tracking. This isn't about waiting for potential. It’s watching for actions.

Before You Stay, Ask Yourself:

• Is it safe for me emotionally, physically, and spiritually?

• Is there respect for my boundaries, my pace, my personhood?

• Is there effort from both sides—not perfection, but pursuit?

• Is it moving forward—even slowly—or just spinning in limbo?

• Do I feel more grounded or more confused when I’m with them?

  
  

If the answers lean positive, give it space. Let it breathe and give it time. If the answers feel negative or even shaky, you’re not wrong for walking away. Let go with grace and clarity. You don’t need a villain to validate your exit.

Let’s Close This Out:

Dating is all rejection until it isn’t. You must be able to walk away at any time. Dating is not where you prove your loyalty to someone else’s potential. It’s where you honor your peace, your pace, and your purpose. Again, you are looking for a fit. Someone who fits is someone who can show up, grow as a person, and develop the relationship. It’s more than chemistry alone.

When in doubt, don’t ask, “Could this work someday?”

Ask: “Is it working now—in real, measurable ways?”

Rejecting people is difficult, but if you don’t break up early, it is far more heartbreaking down the road. Chemistry alone is not enough. A good fit makes the chemistry hotter. Some connections aren’t meant to last. You need the right combination of character, values, standards, boundaries, and expectations. When you meet someone with the same recipe for life, you might have a match. Carry on until you achieve the perfect flavor.

All rights reserved 2025. HMKcoaching.

This article was written by a human using AI for grammar and formatting. Your favorite AI has never loved or dated anyone, but I have.