Can Love Survive Politics? Five Habits of Successful Couples

Why political differences don’t have to mean relationship disaster — and what successful couples do differently.

Not so long ago, politics wasn’t the dealbreaker it feels like now. We didn’t size up a date’s potential by party lines. It just wasn’t the first thing anyone asked. Growing up in Wisconsin, the real compatibility tests were lighter: Did you drink Miller or Bud? A person’s preference for rock or country music was a hard line to cross. Those were the little things that told you if someone was your kind of person. Fast-forward to today, and politics is one of the first hurdles to overcome. Scroll through dating apps and you’ll see it right there: “no [other party] supporters”. It is like a red or blue velvet rope at the entrance to someone’s heart.

A study from the Institute for Family Studies reveals that approximately 9% of married couples are comprised of a Democrat and a Republican, and many more are made up of one partisan and one independent partner. And yet, some couples thrive together, despite voting for different candidates. Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell, as well as James Carville & Mary Matalin, are famously open about their differences. What do they know that the rest of us don’t?

1. They Allow Room for Difference

Being in love doesn’t mean being carbon copies of each other. Successful couples recognize that their partner is an individual with their own experiences, values, and yes, opinions. Instead of seeking total alignment, they accept the differences; they expect a little friction and view it as an opportunity for growth in the relationship.

In practice, this means identifying the areas where you are likely to disagree and agreeing on how you’ll handle them when they arise. Talk about your “non-negotiables” and what topics you’d rather keep away from the dinner table. You’re not silencing each other; you’re planning for peace.

Think of it like setting the table: forks go on the left, knives on the right, and politics? Politics is like the shrimp fork, a utensil not needed at most meals. These are clear boundaries for when and where political discussion happens, which can bring a sense of relief, knowing that specific topics are off-limits.

2. They Lead with Respect, Not Contempt

Respect is a foundation for all relationships, but especially in ones with political divides. Couples who refuse to consider their partner's perspective and portray them as stupid or with malice will likely not survive. They remember that the person they love didn’t lose all their character over one vote, one opinion, or one value.

If you catch yourself rolling your eyes or feeling contempt creeping in, acknowledge it. Contempt is a relationship killer. Replace the judgment with curiosity. Ask questions like, “Tell me why this matters to you.” This shift in perspective can deepen your understanding of each other and strengthen your bond.

Research conducted by Dr. John Gottman reveals that contempt is a leading predictor of divorce. Translation- Eye-rolls are more dangerous to your marriage than yard signs.

3. They Focus on What They Share

Instead of letting politics dominate, thriving couples build their relationship around shared values and goals such as raising kids, supporting each other’s work, creating traditions, and caring for their community. This shared foundation can make you feel more united and less divided. Seeking common ground is intimacy.

Practice gratitude for what you have in common. Even something as simple as “I love that we both care about helping others” strengthens your bond. The more you train your mind to notice your overlap, the less your differences will feel like dealbreakers.

Think of it as marriage math: if 90% of your lives are aligned, don’t let the 10% run the show. After all, no one ever said, “Our relationship fell apart because we both cared too much about the environment.”

4. They Keep Perspective (and Their Humor)

Politics may be important, but it doesn’t dictate the entire relationship. These couples know when to close the laptop, turn off the news, and talk about literally anything else. Decide together when to hit pause. This could look like refraining from discussing politics after 8 p.m. or on date nights. And find ways to laugh together, even about politics. Humor defuses tension and reminds you that you’re on the same team.

Think of it this way: if you can laugh at the absurdity of the political circus together, you’ve already won. There is no campaign needed.

5. They Choose Each Other, Every Time

At the end of the day, these couples consciously decide that the relationship comes first. It means you’re prioritizing the person over the point. That's the choice you make: you can fight to be right, or you dedicate yourself to the health of the relationship.

One couple I worked with made it a game: every time politics caused tension, they had to name three things they adored about each other before going to bed. They said their arguments got shorter — and their compliments became more effective.

Conclusion

Couples who thrive across political divides aren’t avoiding the tough stuff. However, they are approaching their relationship with grace, curiosity, and perspective. They experience politics as one thread in a much larger tapestry, not the whole design or even half of it.

These couples are proof that you can love someone deeply without fully agreeing on absolutely everything. They look for what they share and focus on that. Love isn’t built in a voting booth; it’s built in the daily choice to honor each other, laugh together, and focus on what truly matters.

*Public Couples Who Make It Work Despite Political Differences

James Carville & Mary Matalin

Carville is a prominent Democrat, and Mary Matalin has been a Republican (later Libertarian). The List+3Wikipedia+3Wikipedia+3

What helps: they’ve often said they try not to talk politics at home. Wikipedia+2The Advocate+2 They share core values around family, loyalty, and integrity. The Advocate+2Commonwealth Club World Affairs+2

Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell

They admit they don’t see eye-to-eye on everything politically. People.com+1 But what anchors them is their focus on family, shared joy, retaining individual independence, and valuing qualities in each other beyond political ideology. People.com+2People.com+2

2025 HMKcoaching. All rights reserved. A human wrote this article because your favorite AI has never loved anyone, but I have.