6 Effective Ways to Support a Heartbroken Friend Through Tough Times

Your friend is in the middle of heartbreak. Yuck!

It hurts to watch a friend suffer. Their heartbreak causes them actual physical, mental, and emotional pain. The loss floods the body with cortisol and other hormones that harm the body and create fatigue. Your friend does genuinely hurt. Not that I recommend it, but a Tylenol would help your friend feel better. The pain is that real.

Heartbreak is difficult for everyone involved. No one wants this kind of disruption in their life, and it isn't easy to learn from it. However, heartbreak does allow you to be a stellar friend. Your friend needs help, and you are reaching out. You are stellar!

Here are Six ways to help your heartbroken friend.

1. Listen

   The first and most important action for you to take is to be a great listener. The heartbroken person will need to tell their story over and over again. They may say it differently each time, but while it may irritate you, it is part of a healing process. As new realizations occur, they feel they must tell you the story again. Telling their story is an integral part of processing grief. Sometimes, we don't want our friends to suffer a moment longer, so we try to move them on too quickly. Be patient, but prepare yourself. On some level, grief can last years. It isn't easy to repeatedly hear the story, so set some time boundaries. Time boundaries around when you talk and for how long you listen to your friend. Listen for understanding so you can ask good questions. Limit them from dwelling in tragedy. You can say, "I'm sorry you have so much grief, but let's take a break from it and talk about something else for a while. How is your cat?"

2. Ask questions

   Please consider 'asking questions' as an extension of listening. Asking probing questions is a great way to help your friend talk it out. When they talk about their ex ridiculously spending money, you can ask, "How did that make you feel?" or "What would you do differently now?" Help them continue to process. Suppose you want to step away from the ex as a topic. Focus your questions on activities. Examples include, "What are you doing just for you?" "Are you eating healthy?" "Would you like to go for a walk?" "Are you planning a vacation?" Help your friend see the future using questions and encourage them forward.

3. Encourage

   Encouraging sad people can be difficult because they are genuinely stuck. Please encourage them by acknowledging the positives in their life. I want to draw bright highlights over the following sentence. I am serious when I say to avoid saying some version of the circumstances could be worse: look at what this person went through, or this is what I went through; it was so much worse. That is not helpful. Nope, it doesn't bring perspective. You are downplaying their grief. So don't compare grief situations. You can, however, help them focus on their blessings and the positive things in their life. Try saying something like; I know this isn't easy; let's take a moment to look at all that is positive right now, or I have faith it will work out.

4. Get your friend moving

   Plan activities and encourage new experiences. Go with your friend to activities and include as many people as appropriate. Try trivia night, bingo, take a pottery class, learn to tie flies, go to the gym, hike, or do anything other than overeating or drinking. Activities are not to keep your friend from processing what happened but to reduce the reliving of the heartbreak by creating new experiences and meeting new friends. Activities give your friend some distance from the breakup. Putting a breakup in the rearview is intentional. Time helps people see things clearly, but only if they are in the process of stopping the ongoing ruminating thoughts.

5.  Learn

   If your friend wants to return to the dating scene, you must also learn about dating. Differentiate with them attraction vs. love. Help them define their feminine/masculine appeal. Learn about ghosting so your friend doesn't overinvest. Help your friend avoid getting hooked on the fantasy of a person they have not met, getting love-bombed, or even getting scammed. Learn what that looks like so you can continue to ask good questions.

6. Use experts

   A person's grief can become unmanageable. If your friend seems withdrawn or sad longer than you feel is healthy, encourage your friend to get some expert help. A mental health professional, counselor, or therapist can help deal with clinical depression and grief. A dating coach is another great option to help someone reboot after a breakup. Finding a great partner and dealing with the baggage from the heartbreak requires an expert plan. Use a dating coach to help your friend move forward with a plan. Mainly because what they did the last time left them heartbroken.

Keep your friend moving forward. You are a great friend and a stellar human.

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Test Your Knowledge: MCQs on Depression Awareness. https://clinicside.com/mcq-on-depression/