When Politics Comes to the Holiday Table: A Strategy for Connection, Not Conflict

3 - 4 minute Read.

Imagine this: your extended family is coming over for the holiday. You love them deeply. BUT, you also know that when the conversation turns to politics (because it always does), things will get messy. Your partner disagrees with Aunt Karen. Uncle Joe has very different views from you.

In your mind, you're already bracing for it. Perhaps, you're even dreading it.

What if this year could be different? What if you didn't have to avoid every political topic to keep the peace, but instead showed up in a way that protects the holiday spirit and honors your truth?

You don't need to pretend you all agree. But you do need a plan.

The first part of the plan is to tell your partner that, no matter what happens, you love them and will do your best to respect them as conversations unfold. And do that, support your partner.

Why Talking Values Matters More Than Headlines

The next part of the plan includes something that may feel completely radical. You shift the ground of the conversation. Instead of debating policy points or the latest news, you only speak to what really matters: belonging, integrity, loyalty, respect, and love. You talk about the values behind the policy that your loved one wants to yell about.

Psychological research supports this shift. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology found that "moral reframing," which means speaking from someone's moral values, can actually change how people respond to political ideas. PMC

And there is more, a 2021 study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences showed that sharing personal experiences, not just facts, was far more effective for bridging political divides. PMC

In other words, not only do people hear you better when you talk about what you believe, but they see you more clearly when you share your story. So if you really want to create a pathway to your view, you show up differently than you have in the past. You stop trying to argue your point. You stop the contempt you're creating by digging in your heels on a specific headline. You can talk politics with someone you love without yelling or trying to win an argument; instead, focus on finding common ground with the person you frequently disagree.

Your Holiday Strategy: How to Show Up Differently

Here's a simple, grounded strategy to help you navigate political moments during the gathering without squashing integrity or turning the dinner table into a battleground. Again, this keeps the conversation going but shifts away from a headline to focus on values and shared stories.

Set Your Intention Beforehand

Before anyone arrives, give yourself a moment to breathe and pick a guiding intention:

• "I want a connection. I want understanding.

• "I want to be heard, but also to listen."

This acts like a compass for the evening.

Lead with Curiosity, Not Argument

When someone brings up politics, don't jump to your rebuttal. Ask:

• "What led you to feel that way?"

• "What do you worry about most?"

  These questions shift the tone from debate to discovery.

Speak Your Values, Not Just the News

Instead of starting with "Did you see the headline about … ?" try:

• "When I think about _____, I realize I care deeply about _____."

• "Here's something that matters to me, not because of politics, but because of who I am."

  
  

Share Your Story

Use a short personal example. For example:

• "Last year, I volunteered at a food pantry, and it made me realize how much I value community and caring for others."

• "When I heard that policy, I remembered my childhood, when …" This kind of sharing helps others see why you believe what you do and reduces defensiveness.

  
  

Pause When Things Heat Up

If the tone starts to sharpen, don't be afraid to switch gears:

• "I'm feeling this getting intense. Can we take a breath?"

• "Can we come back to what brought you to this belief?"

  
  

Find Shared Ground

After values and stories, look for overlap. Ask:

• "Do you think we both care about ______, even if we see different ways to get there?"

• "What's something we both believe, even if we disagree on how to act on it?"

  
  

Agree on How to Pause

You might say:

• "If things go off-track, can we agree to take a break?"

• "Let's promise to come back to this later, maybe one-on-one, if it gets too heated."

  
  

Two Short Scripts to Use

When someone starts talking in headlines:

• "I hear that you're really concerned about [issue]. Can I ask what value or part of your life makes that feel important to you?"

When you want to share your own view:

• "For me, this matters because I care about [value]. My experience was (give a quick story). So when I think about a solution, this is what I hope for …"

  
  

Why This Strategy Helps More Than You Think

By talking about values, not just political headlines, you help the conversation connect on a human level. This holiday, do it differently. You don't erase disagreement, but you slow the speed of the sparring. Research shows that when people share their own stories, it builds moral understanding in a way that facts alone rarely can. PMC

Shifting the topic to values isn't a magic wand. Nope, they won't see it your way or come to your side by discussing values and sharing stories. I have to tell you, your loved ones weren't going to see it your way by arguing your point, either. Showing up differently by talking about values and sharing personal stories gives you a framework to hold space with people you love, even when you disagree. AND, it may just be a pathway to change. Let's try it out so we can stay true to our opinions without turning the holiday into a battleground.

This year, you don't have to avoid politics. You have to show up differently.

HMKCoaching.com 2025 All Rights Reserved. A human wrote this article because your favorite AI has never loved anyone, but I have.